


For the Love of the Game

by Britt89



Category: National Football League RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Angst, Edelmandola, Forbidden Love, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-05-20 04:17:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5991424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Britt89/pseuds/Britt89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being in love with your best friend is the greatest thing in the world until it's ripped away from you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Guys!
> 
> To say I've written in the past would be an understatement. I've written a lot for multiple different fandoms. This is my first attempt at Edelmandola. I have read a lot of other people's works on here, so I am finally trying my own hand at writing. Please let me know your thoughts and if I should continue. 
> 
> Thanks!  
> Britt

Danny rounded the corner into the visiting locker room. He got held up on the field talking to another Texas Tech alum. He hurried over to his locker taking note of his missing boyfriend who occupied the locker next to him. He glanced over his shoulder. Some of the team was already showered and dressed. He wondered if he should skip showering as coach hated when anyone was dragging behind for the team buses as they were always on a tight schedule. It's not like he was even dirty or sweaty. It was a fairly cool night for August in the Carolina's and he'd only seen the field for 11 snaps during tonights preseason meeting with the Panthers; 1 reception for 25 yards and that was all she wrote.

He worked his pads over his shoulders and his under shirt off. He felt a brush on his shoulder and glanced over it. Tom was walking by, fully dressed, just returning from his post-game interview "Good game Dola"

Danny smiled and nodded, deciding at that point to skip a shower. He rolled some deodorant on and pulled his t-shirt from his locker, pulling it over his head.  
He sat down on the folding chair adjacent to his locker. He pulled his pants down and his cleats off.

  
"Hey handsome" he heard the hushed whisper as Julian appeared back at his locker

  
Danny glanced up, Julian's cool blue eyes grinning down at him as his hands fumbled in his locker. Danny could only smile in return. Julian always took his breath away. They had started dating months ago and he still gave him butterflies.

  
Julian looked away, focusing his attention on gathering his personal belongings within his locker.

  
Danny stood up, grabbing his jeans from his locker and putting them on. He threw the few things in his locker into his duffle bag and sat back down, working on his sneakers.

  
"Where'd you disappear to?" Danny wondered

  
Julian zipped up his duffle bag and turned around leaning back against his locker.

  
"They pulled me for a short presser right after Tom" Julian told him

  
Danny glanced up as he finished tieing his sneakers.

  
Julian was smirking at him again, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

  
Danny rolled his eyes this time, turning his attention back to his sneakers "I'm starving!"

  
"Dola" Josh came up behind the two

  
Danny finished tieing his sneaker and sat up, turning slightly to their offensive coordinator

  
"Hey Josh" Danny stated

  
"Bill wants to see you for a sec." Josh advised

  
Danny nodded "Okay"

  
Josh smiled, patting him on the shoulder "Nice routes today, way to grind"

  
He watched the slightly older man turn and walk away. He stood up, turning back to the questioning eyes of his boyfriend. The smirk was gone and now his face was full of questions.

  
"Wonder what coach wants" Julian stated

  
Danny shrugged nonchalantly, making sure all his things were in his duffle bag and zippering it up "I'll be back a in few"

  
Danny made his way down the locker room, brushing past one of the team coordinators who yelled out to the team that they had 10 minutes until the bus left.

He rounded the corner into a very small corridor as he came to a stop in front of the visiting coaches office just inside the door of the entrace to the visitors clubhouse.

He tapped lightly on the glass before pushing it open.

  
Bill glanced up from his tablet, nodding at the younger man.

  
Danny walked into the small room and closed the door.

  
"Take a seat Danny" Bill stated

  
Danny walked further into the room and took a seat in the chair adjacent to his head coach who sat behind a small wood desk.

  
Bill put the tablet down and looked up "Good game tonight, how do you feel?"

  
Danny nodded "Fine, coach"

  
Bill sighed "Look Danny, I'm going to keep this brief. We're heading into preseason week 4 as you know and opening night against Pittsburgh is just two weeks away. Your one of my best players and I need your head in the game. I need all your heads in the game!"

  
"Always coach" Danny confirmed

  
Bill sighed again, glancing down before looking back up and narrowing his eyes at Danny "I've watched it for years now, but all training camp this year it's been different. I know it is. It's none of my business and I don't want the details, but Danny, it ends tonight!"

  
Danny felt sick. Bill hadn't come right out and said the words, but he knew exactly what he meant. He tried to play dumb, he didn't know what else to do "Coach, I don't understand"

  
Bill ran a hand through his hair and sighed again "Danny, you know what I'm talking about. I battled with myself on if I wanted to talk to you both or just one of you. I decided the best way to handle this was to just talk to you. I don't care what you do, but you need to end it with Julian."

  
There it was. The words to confirm. Coach knew it all. Danny felt his heart racing. His stomach was in knots.

  
Danny's head fell slightly as he glanced down, wringing his hands together nervously.

  
"I don't like to get involved in anyones personal life Danny because it's none of my business. However, when it involves my locker room and the potential to destroy everything we've built, I have to." Bill told him

  
Danny glanced up, but he couldn't even make eye contact.

  
Bill continued "I can see this is hurting you, Danny. That is never my intention, ever. I tried to let this go, I hoped you guys might move on. It's been months, I can't watch this happen any longer. Please understand."

  
Danny bit his lip, his eyes welling up with tears as he fought them back. He tried to steady his voice.

  
"I just don't understand" he tried, his voice shaky

  
Bill nodded "I don't expect you to. I love everyone on this team like a son, Danny. I'd do anything for you guys. I think in the long run, you'll understand that this is all for the best."

  
Danny took a slow, staggered breath, licking his lips "How am I supposed to do this?"

  
Bill persed his lips together "That's up to you. I made the decision to come to you about this and let you decide."

  
Danny stood up, turning from the coach and walking towards the door. He reached out for the knob, his hand trembling.

  
"Danny" Bill called out

  
Danny paused, but didn't turn back around as he waited for Bill to say something else.  
"I'm sorry, Danny" Bill whispered

  
Danny didn't respond, he just pulled the door open, and willed his legs to walk. He pulled the door shut behind him and took a few steps down the very short corridor. He leaned against the wall. His heart was racing as he leaned his face into the wall, tears slipping down his cheek. He made a fist, pressing it too against the wall. His body was full of so many emotions and he had to find a way to keep them in check. He had to find a way to compose himself.

  
He took a couple deep breaths as he heard one of the team coordinators just inside the locker room "Bus is loaded, come on guys, last call"  
Danny angrily wiped the tears from his cheeks and rubbed at his eyes. He took a few more deep breaths and willed his legs to move. He rounded the end of the short corridor making his way into the locker room. Everyone was pretty much gone now. He made his way over to his locker, taking note that Julian was already gone too. He pulled his beanie on his head and grabbed his duffle bag, slinging it over his shoulder.

He started the walk to the team bus. He made his way out of the visiting club house and down the corridor. He walked through the double doors and out onto the pavement. He spied the team buses a few hundred feet away and started towards them. As he got closer, his heart started racing. He'd be seeing Julian any second. He had to figure out a way to keep Julian out of his head; to act like nothing was wrong while he figured out in his head how to break the heart of his best friend and the man he was in love with.

  
He took the heavy steps up the charter bus and inside. He made his way to the back, keeping his head down. He glanced up briefly, his eyes spotting Julian. He was leaning forward, talking to Slade and Dion who were sitting in front of him. He nodded at him and leaned backwards, so Danny could slide in front of him and into the window seat next to him. Julian continued to talk to the guys in front of him as Danny shoved his duffle bag under his seat and got settled in.

  
Julian sat down, turning his attention to his boyfriend "Well"

  
Danny licked his lips, steadying his voice, and mustering a smile as he looked up "Well, what?"

  
Julian laughed "What did coach want?"

  
Danny hesitated "Just a couple of miscues on routes he wants me to work on"

  
Julian chuckled "Bill the perfectionist"

  
Danny tried to chuckle with him, but it just sounded painful. He could feel Julian's eyes boreing into him. Julian already picked up on the fact that something was wrong. Danny pulled his cell phone from his pocket, putting in his ear buds. He started scrolling through his play list.

  
Julian stole his attention when Danny felt his hand on his leg. His eyes shot down, Julian's hand gave it a light, reassuring squeeze before pulling it back away.

  
Danny glanced up, his chocolate brown eyes meeting Julian's cool blue eyes.

  
Julian licked his lips, a warm smile on his lips as he mouthed the words "You okay?"

  
Danny mustered up another smile, his eyelids fluttering shut briefly. He nodded and turned his attention back to his play list. He leaned against the side of the bus as it started to pull away from Bank of America stadium towards the airport. He could tell that Julian was still staring at him with so many questions and a few moments later, he knew Julian had turned his attention elsewhere. Danny stared out the window into the dark night. The music roared in his ears, but all he could hear were the running thoughts in his head.

  
He already felt emotionally exhausted and now he had to find a way to keep his emotions in check for the entire plane ride home to Foxboro.

  
Danny couldn't help but wonder if the man in front of them was the one who blew the whistle. Matt Slater being Julian's very good friend and old roommate was the only one who knew about them, but Danny couldn't ever imagine Slade saying anything. He would never hurt them that way. Maybe his love for Julian was just that obvious. Maybe coach had seen a stolen moment. They were always so careful when they were around other people though.  
Danny's mind raced as so many thoughts ran through his head. His heart started to race again and he struggled to keep his breathing steady. Hurting Julian would be the hardest thing he'd ever done.

  
Danny squeeezed his eyes shut. The fear and pain cursing through his body was becoming too much. He wanted to scream.


	2. Chapter 2

Julian stared blankly at the desolate road ahead of him as he made his way down route 1. They had landed at Logan just after 1am before making their way back to Gillette and dispersing. It was now nearly 3am and he was fighting his tired eyes as he gripped the wheel. It wouldn't be long until they reached the small apartment in Walpole the couple shared.

Julian turned his attention to his boyfriend who sat silently in the passenger seat staring out into the dark night outside. He knew something was wrong with Danny, he'd instantly felt it when Danny boarded the team bus back in North Carolina. Danny was always a quiet and shy guy, but not usually with him or around the team and his buddies. Julian thought back to the plane ride home from North Carolina and the fact that Danny barely acknowledged him. He wondered what could have possibly changed between the playful banter at their locker to the time Danny boarded the bus.

Julian felt a twinge in the pit of his stomach at the thought of something bothering Danny. He and Danny may have only been together officially for a few months, but his friendship with Danny spanned years. He knew him better than anyone and even though they were now lovers, their relationship was so much more than boyfriends. Danny completed Julian in every way possible and made him whole. Julian took a deep breath to steady his emotions as he concerned himself with what was bothering Danny.

He glanced again towards his boyfriend who hadn't moved. He let one hand fall off of the steering wheel and reached over taking Danny's hand that sat on his lap into his hand. Danny practically jumped out of his skin at the movement and looked down at their joined hands. He didn't deny the hand hold, but Julian noted how tense Danny's hand was.

"Babe" Julian wondered

Danny looked to him "Yeah?"

"Everything okay?" Julian asked

Danny nodded quickly "Yeah, why?"

"It just seems like something is bothering you" Julian noted

Danny shook his head as he pulled his hand away from Julian, using it to wipe his eyes lazily "Just tired"

Julian nodded slowly as he pulled the car into the parking lot of their apartment complex. He parked the car and shut it off, pulling the keys from the engine.

Danny pushed the passenger side door open and grabbed his duffle bag at his feet. Julian reached into the back seat, grabbing his own bag and following suit as the two made their way inside.

Once inside their apartment, Julian tossed his bag on the floor and watched as Danny walked ahead of him with his bag still slung over his shoulder as he made his way down the very short hallway.

"Seriously Danny" Julian sighed

Danny stopped all movement, turning slightly back to Julian

"I'm just tired, Jules" Danny tried

Julian shook his head "I'm not stupid Danny, something is wrong with you!"

Danny turned away and made his final steps into the living room. He tossed his duffle bag on the couch as Julian followed.

"It's 3am Julian, why can't you believe I'm tired?" Danny asked

Julian shook his head "I'm tired too! Try again, because I'm not letting this go."

Danny took a slow breath "We're really going to do this at 3am?"

"I'm not going to bed until you tell me what's bothering you, so we can find a way to fix it." Julian told him

Danny chewed on his bottom lip, his heart racing "You. Can't. Fix. It."

Danny's response chilled Julian to core as his stomach fell "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Danny took a deep breath "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately..."

"Well that's obvious, you've barely talked to me over the last 5 hours" Julian stated sarcastically

Danny stared at him attempting to steady his rapidly beating heart which was beating so fast now that he felt it in his ears. He could feel his palms sweating and his knees threatening to shake. Staring into Julian's blue eyes which were etched with concern and a bit of annoyance was painful. His mind was still scattered as he tried to figure out the best way to blatantly lie to the face of the man who meant everything to him.

"The first night that you kissed me" Danny hesitated "Do you remember what I said to you?"

Julian's features softened as he remembered that night and their first kiss, but the small smile starting to form immediately fell as he further thought about the end of Danny's statement.

Julian licked his lips "You told me you weren't gay"

Danny nodded slowly "I think I made a mistake, Julian"

Julian stared pensively at him, Danny's words sinking in. Julian took a shakey step towards Danny. He literally looked like he'd just had the wind ripped out of him. Danny's bottom lip was quivering now and he bit down on his lip, trying to remain strong.

Julian couldn't really grasp the weight of Danny's words "Are you calling us a mistake?"

Danny looked away because looking at Julian was literally cutting him like a knife. His eyes fell to the floor as he tried to steady his breathing "You've been my best friend for years now and when I moved in after Slade got married, we got closer. I'm not saying we were a mistake, but I think I got confused and I just went with the flow. I just got wrapped up and by the time I realized it wasn't what I wanted...I just didn't know how to tell you!"

Julian stared at Danny, his words stunning every nerve in his body. "People don't just get wrapped up in being with another guy or being gay, Danny!"

Danny looked up and the emotion cursing through Julian's features was even more painful than before "I don't think I'm gay, I might be bi, I don't know. I just know that I have to be honest with you before I destroy our friendship."

Julian took another step closer to Danny "You expect me to believe that I imagined everything between us?"

Danny shook his head rapidly "No, no"

"Then what the hell are you saying?" Julian raised his voice slightly

Danny mustered every ounce of strength he had left in his emotionally wrecked body "I just want my best friend back...just my best friend. I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore."

At his words, Julian's features washed over with an emotion that Danny couldn't even recognize. He wasn't angry. He wasn't sad. His blue eyes were glazed over almost as if he were drunk. Danny had to look away again, his heart screamed at him. Everything in him hurt and he knew Julian felt the exact same way. He willed his eyes back up to Julian.

"Say something" Danny begged

"I don't know what to say" Julian whispered clearly not trusting his voice

A tear started to slip down his cheek and he wiped at it furiously trying to pretend it didn't exist.

Danny shuttered as he tried yet again to control his emotions "I know you need time..."

Julian cut him off, his voice back "What?"

Danny stared at Julian watching the emotional wreck in front of him quickly turn into a different person. Julian had pulled some emotional wall up and he stared at Danny like he didn't even exist.

"Julian" Danny tried

Julian interrupted him "Time can't fix this...nothing can"

Julian's words felt like harsh bricks as he brushed past Danny and a few seconds later the door to the bedroom they usually shared slammed shut. Danny yet again found himself falling up against a wall, his body violently trembling. He chewed on his bottom lip as he looked over his shoulder at the closed door. He held all the tears in as he pushed himself off of the wall and back down the short hallway to the other bedroom door right by the entrance to the apartment. He pushed the door open and closed it behind him. He willed his legs to bring him further into the room and he looked around it. He was pretty sure no one had even stepped foot in this bedroom in months. It was originally Danny's room when he moved in as Julian's roommate after Julian's last roommate and best friend Matt Slater got married. Once Danny and Julian got together, they'd pretty much moved into Julian's room full time. Danny only slept in 'his' room one night almost two months ago when Rob had passed out on their couch one night and he had to sleep in his 'own' room to keep up appearances.

He took a couple heavy steps over to the bed, pulling back the blanket. He shook his head, turning away and going back to the door. His hand gripped the door knob and he forced himself to cease all movements. He wanted to go back to Julian, tell him the truth, and together they'd figure it out. He fought everything inside of him, turning back, and leaning against the wood door. He made a fist and tightened it, slamming it backwards into the door with a light thud. He ran a hand through his short dark hair, his knees finally giving out as tears fell down his cheeks. He slid to the ground, pulling his knees into his chest, and resting his cheek against the tops of his knees as sobs racked his body. The pain and emotions he was feeling was unbearable and he allowed it to consume him in the darkness of the small room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. Thank you so much for the feedback, it really keeps me going. This chapter was very hard to write as you'll see because I wanted to capture everything just right. I really hope it's okay and I was able to capture the emotion and bring it to text. Please let me know what you think.
> 
> Also, this story will loosely follow the schedule of the 2015 season (ie the 3rd postseason game in NC against the Panthers), but it won't necessarily follow anything in detail such as if they won/lost a game, injuries, etc. However, I will use the 2015 schedule as my guide throughout the story.
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> Britt


	3. Chapter 3

Julian opened his eyes slowly, the harsh sunlight invading the room. He closed his eyes again, sighing as he rolled backwards. He reached his arm out and his eyes flittered back open as his arm hit the cold bed space beside him. He stared at the wall, the events of the previous night coming back to him.

He turned away from the bright sun and laid on his side. He stared at the wall, his mind taking him back to the night prior. He felt the nerves in his body waking up, his heart aching, and tears threatening the back of his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep and steady breath as he attempted to calm his emotions. Everything he'd felt last night after he'd collapsed into bed was coming flooding back to him.

He opened his eyes briefly to look down at his clothes. He was still in the same thing he'd flown home from North Carolina in. He sighed heavily as he pulled a pillow over his face. Everything felt so surreal to him and the pain in his chest was unlike anything he'd ever known.

\---

Meanwhile across the small apartment, Danny was also waking from his restless slumber. He groaned in pain as his eyelids fluttered open to the bright sunlight illuminating the room. He silently scolded himself for not closing the curtains. The pain in his neck grabbed his immediate attention as his hand reached for it. It ached from the position he'd slept in. He'd literally passed out in a ball at his door where he'd broken down the night before. As his hand worked on his neck, his eyes went to the clock beside the bed. It was nearly 10am and they had to be back at Gillette for Monday meetings by noon.

Once his neck felt somewhat stretched out, he leaned back against the door letting his legs slide out in front of him. He closed his eyes as his thoughts wandered back to the night before. All he could see was Julian's beautiful blue eyes, so filled with hurt, and then absolute coldness. Danny's eyes popped back open, just thinking about Julian's eyes literally haunted him.

He pushed himself up off of the floor and turned towards the door. He looked down at the knob and stared absentmindedly at it. He needed coffee, but the fear of seeing Julian was stopping him. Was he up already? Was he in the kitchen? Living room?

Danny took a deep breath, he had to be strong. He had to find a way to get through all of this. He had to start the first day of his life without Julian as his boyfriend. The thought horrified him. In just a few months, Julian had become so much more than his best friend and lover. He didn't want to think about never sharing a bed with the blue eyed blonde again, or making love, or just having another quiet night in watching movies and ordering take out.

Danny licked his lips. Things were about to change and he wasn't ready for that. He reached for the door knob and gripped it. He took a slow breath and pulled the door open. He paused momentarily and then continued once he heard no noise. He stepped out into the hallway, his eyes catching Julian's duffle bag just inside the door of their apartment where he'd tossed it last night. He made his way slowly down the short hallway and into the kitchen. Everything was quiet and the door to their... _er_...Julian's bedroom was still shut. That was going to take some getting used to. He shook his head, his eyes landing on his duffle bag which sat on the couch where he'd tossed it the night before. His mind started to race again and he shook his head, denying all thoughts. His heart inside his chest literally hurt and he felt this lump in the back of his throat that he couldn't swallow. He busied himself with finding a k cup and making himself a cup of coffee. He just had to take everything one step at a time.

\---

Julian pushed the shower curtain back as he stepped out of the shower. He reached for the white towel on the sink and wrapped it around his lower half. He ran a hand through his short, blonde hair, and glanced briefly at his reflection in the mirror before making his way out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. His eyes glanced at the bedroom door that led to the living area. He turned away as he could hear some small noises out in the kitchen. He sauntered over to his bureau, his hands reaching out to the top of it to hold on, and steady himself. He glanced up, finding his reflection staring back at him as his mind drifted.

_"Remind me to never accept a lifting challenge from Rob, ever again!" Danny whined as he rubbed his forearms_

_Julian laughed as he finished tieing his sneaker and stood up from the bed. He turned to his boyfriend who sat on top of the bureau, his hands roughly massaging the muscles in his biceps._

_"It wouldn't do any good" Julian grinned "No one can ever turn down a Rob challenge especially after you initially say no and then he mercilessly taunts you until you have to accept"_

_Danny chuckled "This is true...bastard!"_

_Julian shrugged "But we love him"_

_Danny looked up "That we do, so did we decide where we're going?"_

_Julian took a few steps closer, coming to stand in between his boyfriend's legs as his arms snaked around his waist "It's us, we'll go wander aimlessly around the streets of downtown for an hour until we're so hungry we end up eating at the closest place we can find."_

_Danny smirked as his arms came to rest around Julian's neck "When did we become such an old married couple? Are we that predictable?"_

_"Sadly, yes" Julian smiled "But hey at least we're consistent"_

_Danny glanced to the clock on the bedside table and nodded "Consistency is good, it's 7pm now, we'll be back here and asleep by 11."_

_Julian grinned "Like your going to sleep tonight"_

_Danny blushed as the blonde leaned further in, capturing his lips within his. He pulled away quickly, leaving Danny feeling cold as he made his way back over to the bedside table. He reached for his wallet and slid it into his back pocket._

_Danny pouted as he slid off the top of the bureau crossing his arms over his chest "Exactly how hungry are we?"_

_Julian made his way back over to him, his hands gripping his biceps and rubbing them softly "Keep it in your pants Dola, we have all night!"_

_Danny smirked "Keep being smug and it'll be a very long night for you"_

_Julian laughed as the brunette boy pulled away from him and made his way out of the bedroom._

_Julian laughed as he followed him "Come on Danny, you know how much I love it when you stomp away from me like a diva!"_

The apartment door shutting on the other side of the apartment pulled Julian from his memory. A lone tear slid down his cheek.

5 days. How had everything changed so drastically in 5 days?

He took a few steps over to the window, his hand reaching for the curtain as he pulled it back slightly. He watched the handsome brunette he'd just been thinking about making his way across the parking lot. He watched him open his back door, toss his duffle bag inside, and then climb into the driver's seat.

Julian let the curtain fall from his hand as he took another deep breath. He turned away and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. He could feel his emotions taking ahold of him again and he tried to fight it. He tried to calm them down, but much like the night before he was failing. Tears were slipping down his cheeks and he wiped at them furiously. This was not going to be easy.

\---

Danny pulled his SUV into a parking spot at Gillette stadium. He turned the engine off and reached into the back seat to grab his duffle bag. He made his way out of the vehicle and headed towards the building.

He made his way towards the clubhouse and once inside towards his locker. He glanced at Julian's locker which was right next to his. The locker room was pretty quiet. They didn't have to be there for another 30 or so minutes and no one was usually ever early except Tom. Though he knew Tom was probably in the film room, most likely with Bill and Josh by his side. The three always had to disect film the morning after any game, preseason or not.

Danny stuffed his duffle bag into his locker and sat down on the chair adjacent to his locker. He was just glad today was Monday and only a walk through. He was so physically and emotionally drained, if it was an actual practice, he might have actually considered faking the flu or something. He kicked his sneaker offs, lacing up his cleats.

"Danny boy" the voice pulled him from his thoughts

Danny finished lacing up his cleats and turned in his chair to look behind him "Hey Tom"

Tom nodded at him and made his way towards his locker "You get some rest?"

"Not really" Danny muttered without thinking

Tom turned towards him, pulling the baseball cap off his head "Everything okay?"

Danny internally groaned as he stood up, nodding quickly "Oh yeah, just one of those nights, you know?"

Tom chuckled as he turned back to his locker and placed the cap inside before turning back to him "Don't I know it, those 3am bed times are killer when you've got Benny and Vivi jumping on you at 6!"

Danny offered a small smile at the mention of Tom's two youngest kids with his wife, Gisele.

Tom wrinkled his nose "Jules not with you?"

"Oh, uh" Danny stumbled "He overslept, so he'll be here shortly"

Tom nodded in response "He had a rough night too?"

"Alarm clock died" Danny lied through his teeth, the words slipping from his lips before he could even stop them.

The conversation stopped there as a bunch of guys started to filter into the locker room. Danny turned towards his locker, attempting to steady his emotions. He always felt like Tom knew about him and Julian even if nothing was ever said. He was grateful for the guys showing up because they intense stares and questioning eyes he was getting from Tom was almost too much to handle especially in his emotional state.

His whole body tensed as he realized the blonde was at his side. He swallowed slowly, his eyes daringly glancing up and over. Julian didn't acknowledge him. He placed his own bag within his locker, pulled the hat from his head, and placed it on the top shelf.

Danny looked down, pretending to busy himself within his locker. He watched Julian from the corner of his eye kick off his flip flops and toss them in his locker. He then busied himself with socks and lacing up his cleats. Danny tried to steady his trembling hands as he reached for his chapstick on his top shelf and put some on his lips before placing the small tube back onto the shelf. He turned slightly.

"Hi Jules" the words fell from his lips, but he soon realized the blonde was gone

In fact, most of the locker room was already empty. He turned more to see Julian sliding out the locker room door. He hurried after him and into the corridor.

"Julian" Danny called after him

Julian continued to walk, his cleats clanking against the concrete.

Danny sighed as he jogged to catch up to the blonde, reaching out to him. There was currently no one else in the tunnel that led out to the field.

Julian pulled his arm away from Danny, turning slightly towards him, and repelling backwards "What?"

Danny was taken aback by his harsh tone "Uh, didn't you hear me calling your name?"

Julian's eyes were ice cold "I heard you"

"So we're just not going to talk?" Danny asked "Jules we live together"

Julian's gaze and demeanor was unchanging "I'm aware and I'll talk to you when I have to, but a lot of changes are going to need to be made"

Danny opened his mouth to respond, but he didn't get the chance as Julian turned away from him. He watched him walk out of the tunnel and onto the turf. Danny stood frozen in the tunnel, his mind racing.

He wasn't sure what hurt worse, the pain cursing through his veins or the pain he knew he was putting Julian through. His eyes fell to the concrete floor. This was torture; absolute, agonizing torture.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for commenting. I apologize for the delay, but I had a lot of trouble with this chapter. I really wanted to get the emotion rights and portray them the way I saw it in my head. Please let me know what your thinking, love it? hate it? I'd love to know!


	4. Chapter 4

Julian turned the key in the lock, pushing the door to the apartment open. He walked inside, letting the door shut behind him. He made his way down the short corridor as he walked into the kitchen area. His eyes shifted to Danny who sat on the counter, his legs swinging slightly.

Julian didn't hesitate as he turned towards the refrigerator and pulled it open. He shifted the duffle bag on his shoulder as he reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. He pulled back, letting the door shut and turning towards his room.

"Hi Danny" came the brunette boy's sarcastic tone, pulling Julian from his thoughts

Julian licked his lips as he turned back towards his ex-boyfriend, his eyes narrowing slightly "Excuse me if I'm not in the mood to talk"

"You can't say hi?" Danny asked

Julian took a deep breath "I have all I can do to look at you, Danny"

His words brought Danny back to the reality of the situation. He was hurting, just as bad, if not worse.

"I'm sorry, Jules" Danny whispered, his eyes falling to the tile floor

Julian shrugged the duffle bag off his shoulder and took a few steps over to the counter next to the refrigerator. He slowly turned around and leaned back for support. He crossed his arms over his chest as he attempted to steady his racing heartbeat as he stared at the boy just across the way from him.

"I think you should move out" Julian told him

Danny's head snapped up, his chocolate brown eyes flooding with emotion "What?"

Julian trembled "I want to respect what you want, but I also can't deny the fact that I'm in love with you Danny and being around you is absolute torture because I just don't get it"

Danny stared at him, his voice caught in his throat.

Julian glanced down to steady himself and then looked back up "I just think it'd be best if you moved out and we can be civil when we have to be around each other"

Danny fought back the tears that pricked at the back of his eyes "Civil?"

Julian shrugged his shoulders "What do you want from me, Danny? To just just shake off the fact that you shattered my world last night and invite you out for a beer to watch the game?"

Danny shook his head "I don't know"

"Well I can't" Julian whispered harshly "And I don't know if I'll ever be able to be that way with you, ever again."

Danny nodded slowly "Okay"

Julian nodded in agreement "Okay"

Danny took a deep breath "But I can't move out!"

Julian shuttered "Why the hell not?"

"We're not talking around the guys, hanging together on the field, and suddenly I'm moving out?" Danny explained "It's going to throw up major red flags!"

"So?" Julian questioned "We're not together, we have nothing to hide, who the hell cares if everyone starts questioning it?"

"Okay" Danny hesitated "But if we throw it in everyone's face that we hate each other, what does that do to the team?"

Julian laughed "I don't give a damn"

Danny licked his lips "I'll do my best to stay out of your way, but you know as well as I do Jules that I just can't up and move out, not just yet"

Julian rolled his eyes, shifting the weight of his body "Fine, you're right"

Danny nodded "I'll just stay out of your way and I'll give you space"

Julian pushed himself off of the counter and took a few steps away before being stopped in his tracks.

Danny slid down off the counter top he'd been sitting on and reached out, grabbing Julian's wrist within his hand.

Julian's skin burned from the warmth of the other mans hand. His head snapped up.

"I never" Danny's bottom lip quivered "Meant for anything like this happen, Julian"

Julian stared at him, his body frozen as the brunette softened his hold on his wrist.

"I do love you" Danny hesitated "And you mean more to me than you will ever know and I promise to do everything in my power to somehow make it up to you one day"

"I believe you never meant to hurt..." Julian shuttered as he pulled his hand away "Just leave me alone, okay?"

Danny could only nod in response as the blonde bent down to retrive his duffle bag and disappeared inside his bedroom, the door closing behind him.

Danny let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding as his hands reached to the counter top he was leaning back against. He gripped it hard as his head fell and he attempted to steady his emotions.

 

\---

 

The next few weeks went by quickly. They were busy preparing for the season to start and everything was hectic once Tom's suspension from deflategate had been lifted.

Danny and Julian were barely interacting and everyone was starting to take notice. The two usually inseperable best friends no longer joked around in the locker room or on the sidelines. During drills, they were found at opposite ends of the field. Neither was really going out and socializing and if one did, the other wasn't with him.

But on this night as the team made their way back into the locker room after a thrilling beat down over the Pittsburgh Steelers on opening night, no one was really thinking about Danny and Julian's obvious estrangement.

"So where we going?" Rob called out "First rounds on me"

The players celebrated in response as they huddled together. Slade gave his usual post-game talk before they all dispersed to get showered and cleaned up.

About 30 minutes later as they all headed out of the club house, Matt jogged after Julian swinging an arm around his best friend's shoulder as they made their way out into the parking lot.

"Your coming out, right Jules?" Matt questioned

Julian chuckled as the two made their way towards his car "I don't know Slade, I'm pretty beat!"

"Oh, come on" Matt responded "Your always tired lately? Aren't you sick of going home to bed?"

Julian chuckled nervously again as the two came to a stop in front of his car and Julian turned towards him, shrugging his shoulders.

Matt glanced around, lowering his voice "Seriously dude, do you and Danny ever get out of bed anymore?"

Julian looked away immediately, his emotions making his insides shake at the thought of his relationship with Danny. He inwardly cursed himself. He'd been doing so good, but it was still a raw nerve with him.

"Jules?" Matt questioned

Julian turned his attention back to him "Look Matt, Danny and I, we aren't really...together anymore"

Matt sighed "It's about damn time you admit it to me"

"Huh?" Julian questioned

Matt rolled his eyes "Come on Jules, I think I know you pretty well. I've been able to tell for weeks now how off things are, everyone has been talking about it. We've all picked up on the fact that you two don't even acknowledge one another anymore."

"Shit" Julian cursed

"Relax" Matt offered "I've thrown them off, a few comments here and there about you two going after the same girl and suddenly it all makes sense"

Julian shook his head "Really Matt?"

Matt shrugged his shoulders "I didn't confirm, just threw it out there as a 'so I kinda heard' type of thing, relax."

"Whatever" Julian replied

"Yeah, it is whatever. Though now that that's out of the way, I do want to know what the hell happened to you two?" he questioned

"It's a long story" Julian sighed

Matt crossed his arms over his chest "I've got time"

Julian started at him "Danny said he made a mistake, he's not gay, and he just wants to be friends again"

Matt narrowed his eyes at the blonde "That's not a long story"

Julian glared at him in response.

"Seriously though. What the hell is Danny talking about? You two were perfect together!" Matt stated

Julian shrugged his shoulders "I still don't want to talk about it"

Matt finally accepted that from the blonde "Alright man, I won't pry. Now your going to come out with us, right?"

Julian sighed "Text me where"

Matt grinned reaching up and slapping the shorter boy on the shoulder "That's my boy and all joking aside, if you need anything Jules"

Julian nodded "Thanks Matt"

Matt offered him a warm smile before stepping around him and making his way towards his own vehicle. Julian tossed his bag into the passenger seat and climbed into his car. He put the key in the ignition and revved up the engine. His vibrating cell phone from inside his pocket caught his attention. He pulled it out, expecting a text from Matt even though he didn't intend on going out. He'd only told Matt that to humor him. His eyes narrowed at the small screen of his cell phone is surprise. He pressed the green button to answer the call and pulled it up to his ear.

Julian cleared his throat "Wes?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Thanks again for reading and reviewing! Your thoughts really mean a lot to me and I hope your enjoying this! I also love feedback and to hear where you think things are going too. I really appreciate you taking the time to check out my work! 
> 
> Thanks again!  
> -Britt


	5. Chapter 5

Julian pulled his car up to the curb in front of the small pizzeria. He shut the car off and got out. He slammed the car door shut, his eyes trained on the small store front in front of him. He rounded his car and stepped up on to the side walk. He narrowed his eyes and took a deep breath as he entered the small restaurant.

He glanced around briefly, his eyes falling on the older blonde a few tables away who looked up when he heard the bells from the door.

Julian found himself staring into the all familiar blue orbs of his ex-boyfriend. Maybe this was a really bad idea.

Wes grinned, standing from the table as Julian took a few steps towards him. The older blonde embraced him before pulling back as they sat down.

Julian felt kind of numb. Things between the two of them had ended badly, but Wes seemed completely un-phased. Julian was pretty sure any feelings he once had for Wes were gone, but after the past few weeks, he didn't exactly trust any of his emotions.

Julian followed suit, sliding into the chair across from Wes.

"I ordered our usual..." Wes hesitated "I hope that's okay."

Julian nodded slowly "Sure, anything is fine."

Wes licked his lips "Hey, great game tonight!"

Julian cracked a smile, his eyes falling to his folded hands on top of the table "Thanks."

Wes chuckled nervously "I hate that this is weird and uncomfortable."

Julian glanced up "I'm sorry. I'm not really sure how this is supposed to go."

Wes smiled "Fair enough."

Julian eyed him "How's life...after football?"

Wes laughed dryly "It sucks!"

Julian had to laugh at that "I can imagine."

"My agent is looking into some things, so I'm hoping to land somewhere soon!" Wes stated

Julian only nodded in response. His eyes falling back to his hands again.

"Jules..." Wes breathed "I know what I did two years ago was wrong; things went south with me and the team and I let it ruin the best thing in my life!"  
  
Julian glanced up "You made a lot of decisions on that cold March day."

"I guess I just figured we wouldn't survive everything..." Wes trailed off

Julian shrugged his shoulders "You thought a lot of what we had...clearly."

Wes shook his head "I was upset, I was emotional, and I don't really know what I was doing..."

"Is that an excuse?" Julian interrupted, sarcasm laced in his voice "You called me from the airport, Wes, and told me you were catching a plane to Denver..."

"And when you asked why..." Wes sighed "I told you to turn on ESPN. I know Jules, it was awful!"

"I have a few other words..." Julian responded

"I'm sure you do and I deserve anything you want to say to me!" Wes answered

Julian took a deep breath "I don't want to rehash the past, it's over and done with."

Wes nodded slowly as their waiter appeared, placing the pizza down on the table between the two boys. He glanced to Julian "Can I get you anything to drink?"

Julian looked from him to the glass of water in front of him "Water is fine, thanks!"

The waiter nodded before turning and disappearing. Julian didn't look back up to Wes. He reached for a slice of pizza and slid it onto his plate before bringing the slice up to his mouth and taking a bite. He placed it back down on his plate, looking up to find Wes staring at him intently.

"What?" Julian asked

Wes smiled "I missed this place. They have the best pizza!"

Julian nodded in agreement before taking another bite.

"But enough about me..." Wes started "How have you been?"

Julian looked up, shrugging his shoulders "Fine, I guess."

"Fine, is good, I guess." Wes teased him

Julian didn't find it humorous. He wasn't in any mood for jokes.

Wes looked down to his slice of pizza as he took a bite "Tough crowd tonight."

Julian stared at him "What's this all about anyways, Wes?"

Wes stared at him, all joking aside, as he wiped his hands on a napkin and leaned back in his chair "I just miss you, Julian..."

Julian raised his eyebrows in response "So your back in Boston because you miss me?"

Wes leaned forward, sliding his plate slightly, and folding his hands on the table in front of him "I have tried for over two years to find a way to talk to you. I'm in town for a charity game at Tufts and I wasn't going to miss this opportunity; awkward or not, I had to see you!"

Julian stared at him "That basketball thing?"

Wes nodded "Yes, but can we not change the subject?"

Julian sighed "I get it, Wes, your sorry. How about we just move on?"

Wes eyed him cautiously "There's someone else, isn't there?"

Julian laughed, somewhat annoyed "Was I supposed to just sit around and pray you had an epiphany and came back to me?"

Wes was taken aback by the harshness in Julian's tone as he stared at the younger blonde "Jules..."

Julian shook his head as he looked back up "Yes, there was someone else, but there isn't anymore."

"Who was it?" Wes questioned

Julian narrowed his eyes "None of your business."

Wes smirked "Someone from the team?"

Julian licked his lips as he leaned forward "Again I say, none of your business!"

Wes rolled his eyes "Fine, but tell me what happened?"

Julian stared at him "Are you for real?"

"Just trying to make conversation..." Wes trailed off "But hey if you don't want to talk about it..."

Julian shook his head in disdain "I fell in love with someone who ripped my heart out of my chest, stomped all over it, and never looked back..."

Wes' head snapped up in disbelief as he stared at the younger blonde in shock "It sounds like your not over him..."

"I love him so much..." Julian interrupted "I'm not sure I'll ever get over it!"

Wes swallowed roughly, his throat dry "Maybe I can help?"

Julian sighed "I'm not interested in some meaningless fling with my ex who hurt me two years ago, but thanks..."

"I didn't mean like that..." Wes interjected "But maybe you could use a friend?"

"I have friends." Julian responded back, his tone harsh.

Wes nodded slowly "Fair enough, well, I could use one tonight. It's late and I forgot to book a hotel since I wasn't planning on flying in and being here this early. Then I decided that since I was coming anyways, I would come early and try to see you..."

Julian rolled his eyes "Hotels take on demand reservations, Wes..."

Wes grinned "Please Jules, it's late, and I'm exhausted..."

Julian shook his head "Whatever. I don't have a guest room and I have a roommate, so the couch will have to do."

Wes nodded "I like couches!"

\---

Danny's eyes stared intently at the screen of the phone is his hands. He sighed and turned it off. Putting it down firmly on the stone countertop in the kitchen. He leaned forward against the countertops, his head falling as he attempted to steady his emotions. He turned on his heels, pulling the refrigerator door open and staring blankly inside. He reached for a bottle of water, his attention turning to the keys he heard in the door as it unlocked. He slowly shut the door, looking to his left as Julian came down the hallway.

Danny turned slightly, offering a smile as the blonde placed his keys on the small table against the wall.

Julian looked towards him, his tone quiet as he acknowledged the brunette "Danny"

"How was your night?" Danny wondered "Slade told me everyone was going out and that he talked you into going, so I figured I'd just lay low."

Julian nodded slowly "I appreciate the gesture, but I just told Matt I was going to get him off my back."

Danny licked his lips "Yeah, I know."

Julian narrowed his eyes "You know?"

Danny stared at him "Since when is Wes Welker in town?"

Julian laughed incredulously "Are you following me?"

Danny rolled his eyes "It's called social media. Apparently, Wes' agent is shopping him back to the Pats because he's in town for meetings..."

"He's in town for a charity basketball game..." Julian interrupted

Danny shrugged his shoulders "I knew it was something, we'd never take him back..."

"Never, say, never" Julian interjected, his tone sarcastic

Danny crossed his arms over his chest "What were you doing with him anyway?"

"You don't get to play the jealous ex-boyfriend card..." Julian advised "Why do you care anyways?"

"I do care..." Danny paused as he contemplated his words, he had to be very careful "You're my friend and I'll always care! I know how badly Wes hurt you and..."

"You don't get to talk about how badly anyone hurt me..." Julian seethed

Danny was taken aback by the emotional tone in Julian's voice. The past two weeks had been fairly civil. Quiet hellos, good-byes, and barely any communication or acknowledgment when they were practicing or on the field.

"Julian..." Danny started, but was interrupted by the knocking on the door.

"It's open" Julian called, his voice steadier now

Danny turned his attention from the blonde in front him and glanced towards the front door, shock cursing through his body as Wes Welker darkened their door step.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all,
> 
> My apologies for the delay between chapters, but I do hope you enjoyed this one. I love writing this story and I really hope your enjoying it too! Please let me know your thoughts; love it or hate it? I appreciate all the feedback!
> 
> -Britt


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi All,
> 
> I'm back! Well, I never really left, I was still enjoying everyone else's awesome writing. I just wasn't writing much myself. I finally got some motivation though. I have to say Danny and Julian's trip to Mexico City definitely motivated me and also the wonderful writing of Exterminatorviolence, so here we go. Let me know your thoughts as they keep me motivated too! Thank you!

Danny busied himself with cleaning up from the small mess he'd made cooking pasta prior to Julain returning home. He used the wet paper towel in his hand to clean the island countertop, his eyes flicking back and forth between what he was doing and Wes who was sifting through his duffle bag on the couch obviously looking for something.

Julian appeared behind him, a pillow and sheet in hand. Wes glanced over his shoulder, taking the items from the young blonde.

"No blanket?" he questioned

"It's August" Julian deadpanned

"There is obviously AC in this place" Wes noted

Julian shrugged his shoulders "Well, wear a sweatshirt, good night"

Danny licked his lips as he watched the interaction intently even if he didn't mean to stare. Julian glanced towards him and Danny nervously looked away like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Night, Danny" Julian muttered

Danny glanced up, Julian's retreating form now headed for their...er...his bedroom. 

"Night" he responded with delay and then a minute later the bedroom door shut with a soft thud.

Wes appeared at the counter "Well ain't he just merry sunshine"

Danny forced a smile "He's been a little tired lately"

Wes nodded slowly "So, do you know the guy was?"

"What guy?" Danny stared

"The one that has him in this funk, he mentioned it briefly at dinner, but he wouldn't give me any details..." Wes trailed off

"I don't know" Danny interrupted

Wes smirked "I have a hard time believing that, you guys are pretty close and your roommates"

Danny shrugged his shoulders "Julian is real private about his personal life, if he had someone in his life, he didn't say much to me or bring him around"

"Odd" Wes paused "I wonder who this guy is that he'd be so secretive about it?"

Danny nodded slowly "I should get to bed, we've got early Monday morning walk throughs..."

"Yeah" Wes laughed "I don't miss that part of the football grind"

Danny turned from him, opening the refrigerator door and placing the container of butter inside.

"Did he ever talk to you about me?" Wes inquired

Danny licked his lips as he gingerly shut the door, turning back to the shorter man.

"Julian is pretty private about his personal life" Danny felt himself repeating his words

Wes nodded slowly "So, I guess that's a no?"

Danny shrugged his shoulders "I knew you existed"

Wes chewed on his bottom lip "I messed things up real bad with him and he didn't deserve it"

Danny's insides were starting to shake, his own guilt screaming at him. He took slow breaths, trying to steady his emotions. 

Wes glanced up "I wish I didn't love him, I wish I knew how to stop after all these years"

Danny gripped the countertop tightly, his heart racing in his chest. Why was Wes Welker standing in front of him pouring his heart out about the man he loved? Why was this happening to him? 

"I thought taking off to Denver was the answer" he continued "I was so over my head with Julian. I'd never even been with a guy before and then man did I fall for him. Then things went south with the team and I thought I could just run from my problems. I didn't plan on my broken heart following me to Denver. I wish I could go back and never leave or at least have done things differently, so I didn't lose him..."

"Is that why your really here?" Danny croaked out, his voice half betraying him as he cleared his throat and tried to steady himself. 

Wes smiled "I finally got up the nerve to reach out to him and sure dinner was strained, but I feel like once he heals from what he's going through, maybe we could rebuild..."

"Good luck with that" Danny interrupted "Good night man"

He hurried to turn his back and disappear down the hallway into his bedroom. He closed the door, slumping back against it and squeezing his eyes shut. His hands trembled at his sides, his chest was contracting as he gasped for air. He felt his body and all his emotions betraying him. He fisted his trembling hands, tears now sneaking out from his closed eyelids and streaming down his face. He told himself every day would be better and it would get easier. It wasn't getting easier, if anything it was getting harder. Danny hadn't even begun to think about the day Julian moved on. That day had to come, right? When Julian was finally over him and ready to move on. What if that day came sooner than he thought? Was he ready to see the man he love parading around with another man...

Danny forced his eyes open and forced his mind to stop going down the road it was headed down. The day would come when Julian was ready to move on. That was inevitable, but that was not anything Danny was physically or emotionally ready to process. 

He took a few heavy steps over to the bed and laid down, curling the pillow under his head. He worked to calm his breathing, but the tears didn't cease. He forced his eyes shut and tried to rest his mind, but sleep wouldn't come and he didn't expect it to any time soon. He hugged himself, silent sobs wracking his body. The anger and pain consumed him until he fell into a restless sleep.

\---

Danny's eyelids fluttered open, his room was still pitch black. He glanced at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was only 2am. He felt weak. He swore his heart was still pounding in his chest. Every thing in him felt broken and lost. He sat up on the edge of the bed, his head pounded. He pushed himself up off the side of his bed and made his way out of his bedroom.

The living room was silent with the exception of Wes' quiet snores and the quiet hum of the television which was on a very low volume. Danny paused at the kitchen island. He was so emotionally drained from everything. He felt almost like a zombie. He didn't even feel like he was in control of anything anymore. 

He stared at the sleeping man on his couch. The thought of that guy in bed with Julian...in his bed...was enough to make Danny want to climb to the tallest ledge he could find and step off it. Giving Julian up was the hardest thing he'd ever done and having to see Julian with someone else felt like the end of the world.

Danny felt like he was going to cry again, but no tears came. His mind raced and he crossed the small area and stood at his old bedroom door. He glanced over his left shoulder, staring at the sleeping man, his body apparently had a complete mind of it's own. His gripped the door knob and pushed the door open before closing it behind him. The room was dark, but a small light shined from the bathroom light which Julian clearly still never remembered to shut off. Julian was on the bed, his chest rising and falling slightly. He was perfect. His blonde hair was a little messy, his face was relaxed, and his black wife beater and dark green boxers hugged his body perfectly. 

Julian stirred slightly and suddenly Danny felt a surge go through his body. What was he doing? How had he even got here? It's like his heart had carried him without a worry in the world back into this bedroom. Danny peered over his shoulder at the door, but then looked back to Julian. He took a few slow steps over to the bedside, falling to his knees and sitting with his back leaning against the side of the bed. He pulled his knees to his chest, he felt tears coming again. He wondered how pathetic he looked. 

"Danny?" the hushed whisper pulled the brunette from his thoughts

He turned slightly, Julian was propped up on one of his arms staring with wide eyes at him.He scooted over closer to the side of the bed.

"Are you okay, Danny?" Julian asked

Anger cursed through his veins. Julian had genuine concern in his voice, something he hadn't heard in weeks. He didn't deserve Julian's empathy or concern. Danny didn't speak because he didn't trust his voice. Julian came to sit on the edge of the bed with his hands on his knees. He could feel his body heat on his shoulder. He could smell Julian's after shave. He'd dreamed of having such close proximity to Julian for weeks only to wake up in a cold bed, all by himself. Danny looked up through his eyelids.

Julian's perfect face was etched in obvious concern.

"Danny?" Julian asked again "What's going on?"

Danny trembled "I can't..."

"Shh" Julian quieted him, rubbing his back in slow circles

He slid off the side of the bed and down on to the plush carpet, his arm right up against Danny's.

Danny's head was in his hands and Julian reached for his hands. Danny broke down, sobs wracking his body again. Julian pulled the brunette to him. Danny rested his head on Julian's shoulder, as Julian wrapped his arm around his shoulders cradling Danny into him. His hand drew cirles on Danny's back comfortingly. Danny rubbed his hand on Julian's upper torso as Julian used his other hand to rub Danny's arm as it came to rest on his stomach. Julian had no idea what was going on. Danny's tears didn't stop or his hushed whispers of "I'm sorry" into Julian's neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! What do you think? What are your thoughts? I love the feedback! :)


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